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What is your personal space style?
I love watching the birds that come to my feeders. And as I was watching them the other day, I was noticing how they interact. That's what reminded of the term "personal space" that refers to our individual comfort level with how close others come to us. We are often unaware of our reactions, and just react without thinking about it. So in an effort to bring awareness to this personal characteristic, lets look at what the birds do.
One of my favorite birds is the goldfinch. Their voices and their dispositions are sweet. I love to watch how they change colors for winter, becoming a dull gray. And in spring they resume their bright yellow color, at least the males do. I've seen them eat dandelions, I think it helps with their color change, and it has given me a better attitude about those unwanted yellow flowers in the yard.
Anyway, I have seen as many as 9 goldfinches on one feeder at a time, all busily helping themselves to the seeds. They feed quietly, and adjust their positions as other goldfinches get too close for comfort. But let a bigger bird, like a cardinal, or a more forceful bird, like a woodpecker, come near, and they all fly off. No other group of birds has this level of tolerance for nearness, even with birds of their own kind. House finches will visit in numbers, but they are constantly squawking and jockeying for position, poking their beaks, or flapping their wings to make more room for themselves.
So what does that have to do with us?
Each of us has a space around us, like the birds on my feeders. With some people, we are comfortable having them near. With others, we are only comfortable if there is a good amount of distance between us and them. We may take this information for granted, as I said before, just react without being aware of our reactions. But if we become aware of our responses within our personal space, we can gain valuable information about our true feelings towards ourselves and others. And how aware are we of the personal space needs of those we encounter?
Like the goldfinches, I am most comfortable around people who are much like I see myself, cooperative, more quiet than noisy, restful to be around. And when someone boisterous and loud is near, I tend to move away from them, at least until I learn more about who they are. Then I can negotiate my space.
As you go about your day, imagine your personal space like an invisible bubble around you, and notice what happens to your bubble as you encounter the various people in your life. Are there people you want to be closer to, but that tend to keep distance from you? Are there people who insist on moving in too close for your comfort? How do you deal with these variations? What do you notice about them and about yourself in relationship to the variations in your bubble?
As a touch therapist, I could take for granted that people who come to see me welcome me into their personal space. And clients often tell me that they feel safe when I am touching them. That, to me, is a great honor. So, I endeavor to sense and respect the personal space of all my clients, no matter which modality they are seeking.
Touch is a very rich source of communication. When our personal spaces meet, we are truly touching one another. Isn't that amazing? We take it for granted, and so do the birds. After all, it just is! But maybe after reading this, you will have a new appreciation for your personal space, and that of others too.
So, if you would like to explore this aspect of your self, I am here with beautiful, gentle Rubenfeld Synergy, or RSM, ready and willing to help you live in your personal space with greater comfort and understanding.
OK, so it's not just for the birds!
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